Matchmaker's Guidebook Read online

  Matchmaker’s Guide

  Meryton Matchmaker’s Confidential Client Questionnaires

  Kristi Rose

  Contents

  Untitled

  Welcome to Meryton Matchmakers

  1. Charlotte Lucas

  2. William Collins

  3. Mary Bennet

  4. Colonel Henry Fitzwilliam

  5. Catherine Bennet

  6. Captain James Harville

  7. Lydia Bennet

  8. Jane Bennet

  9. George Wickham

  10. Charles Bingley

  11. Elizabeth Bennet

  12. William Darcy

  13. Carolyn Bingley

  14. Anne de Bourgh

  About the Author

  Books also by Kristi Rose

  Copyright © 2016 by Kristi Rose

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission.

  Vintage Housewife Books

  PO BOX 841

  Farmington, Mo 63640

  www.kristirose.net

  Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental.

  Book Layout © 2016 Vellum

  Cover Design © 2016 Paper and Sage Designs

  * * *

  Meryton Matchmakers- Matchmakers Guidebook/ Kristi Rose. -- 3st ed.

  ISBN 978-0-0000000-0-0

  Created with Vellum

  For the lovers of all things Jane Austen :-)

  Welcome to Meryton Matchmakers

  ~If you have a lonely heart, we have the key.

  Here at Meryton Matchmakers we take love to heart. Your happiness is our ultimate goal. We don’t use secret, key word algorithms to find a match. We believe in face to face meetings and the important element of getting acquainted with someone. With Meryton, your experience is personal and confidential.

  * * *

  Dear Reader,

  Please note that this is living document and will change grow as the stories progress. Thanks for your patience and understand. If you want to be notified of update, please sign up for my newsletter. If you get this through iBooks, they should notify you as well.

  Regardless, make note of the edition that you are getting as that will mark the updates. Enjoy:-)

  Kristi

  1

  Charlotte Lucas

  Nickname: Lottie

  GENERALITIES

  GENDER: Female

  NATIONALITY: American

  Would you be interested in someone outside your nationality?

  Yes

  OCCUPATION: Baker/Cafe Owner

  * * *

  ATTRACTED TO: (select one)

  SAME SEX

  OPPOSITE SEX - Yes

  BOTH/NOT SURE

  * * *

  FAITH

  1. Do you belong to any religious organization, sect, or cult? Please list your denomination below.

  None, just a spirit wandering in the world hoping to find love and companionship.

  * * *

  DENOMINATION:

  1. How often do you go to church, synagogue, or other? Rarely

  2. Would you be willing to date someone outside your faith? Yes

  * * *

  MARRIAGE

  1. Are you seeking a life partner?

  Yes-X

  No

  * * *

  2. Do you want a family? How many children?

  Maybe, not sure how many, never have been.

  * * *

  *E.B. NOTES: Lottie was raised in church. She may act like she isn’t a person of faith and occasionally might throw out a bad word but the truth is she’s a believer. Lottie likes a quiet house. Kids are going to ROCK her world. In a good way of course. She’ll need a guy who can pick up the slack (hint: Bill Collins).

  * * *

  FAMILY

  1. How would you prefer to spend your holidays? (Mountains? Beach? Hotel/amusement parks? ?Camping/hiking/backpacking? With family?)

  All of them!

  * * *

  2. How do you feel about relatives visiting (For a day or two? Longer ? Could they live with you?)

  Love the time spent making memories, but no, we could not live together.

  * * *

  3. How would you manage family order? (i.e. Who would be in charge of what?)

  Money/finances? Both spouses

  Kids? Both spouses

  House? Both of us

  * * *

  *E.B. NOTES: When she writes that she could never have her relatives live with her, I’d be remiss to not emphasize how much an understatement this is. She once threatened to put laxatives in my drinks if I blabbed about her feelings for Bill to him.I know this not to be a false threat because she’s done this twice to her brother (and he deserved it). Sharing financial responsibility is going to be hard for Bill. He’s totally cool with letting his money magically take care of itself. Side note: can be vindictive.

  * * *

  WHO ARE YOU?

  1. What is a motto or creed that you live by?

  Always eat the pie.

  * * *

  2. What is your ideal rest day?

  Biking, hiking, picnic

  * * *

  3. What is your most embarrassing moment?

  Losing my first baking contest because I mixed up salt and sugar measurements.

  * * *

  *E.B. NOTES:Hm. I’m surprised that this is what she picked. Her brother (the aforementioned recipient of the laxative drink) depantsed her a few years back during extreme slip and slide kickball. I thought that might have shown up here.

  * * *

  4. Do you believe that you are a fun person?

  Wanna try a cupcake?

  * * *

  5. Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten? Twenty? Growing my business into a national brand name, big dream. Small dream, being the best bakery in a tristate area.

  * * *

  *E.B.NOTES: Funny how quickly that changed. One needy young man asking for help and now she’s on a different path.

  * * *

  6. When do you want to retire?

  While still young enough to enjoy! But you can never truly retire from making cupcakes.

  *E.B.NOTES: Thankfully!

  * * *

  7. What does retirement look like to you?

  Travel, sleeping in, more family time

  *E.B.NOTES: By family I am assuming she means Bill.

  * * *

  8. What kind of lifestyle do you want after retirement? (Active, laid-back, etc.)

  The one where we travel spontaneously, no clock to watch and just enjoy the little moments.

  * * *

  9. Do you have a retirement account?

  Several

  * * *

  10. How do you invest? (conservative, aggressive, etc.)

  Conservative

  * * *

  11. Do you smoke?

  NO

  * * *

  12. What are your strengths?

  Wit, charm, perseverance, helping others

  * * *

  13. What are your weaknesses?

  Chocolate and books

  * * *

  E.B. NOTES: Lottie is so sweet. She thinks chocolate and books are her weaknesses. Yes, for her hips and her wallet perhaps. But her real weaknesses are people who need help. People, like Bill, who are continuously given the short end of the stick even though they try to change their circumstances
. Once, while we were still in school, Bill’s father went on a tirade the likes we had never seen before or since. It would have been easier to understand if his father had been a drunk but he was simply a mean old man and since Bill’s mother has passed, was not accountable to anyone. Mad at something Bill did or said, his father picked up a large rock and threw it at him. It struck him right above the right eye. Knocked him out for one whole day. When he came to Lottie and Lady Catherine was there waiting. That’s when she came into the picture.

  Side note: Try not to be an evil cow to Lady Catherine all the time.

  * * *

  WHAT DO YOU WANT?

  1. Do you consider intimacy more important than love? Equally essential

  * * *

  2. How often do you expect intimacy?

  Whenever!

  * * *

  3. List four things you require in an intimate relationship.

  1.trust

  2.fidelity

  3. mutual satisfaction

  4. playfulness

  * * *

  4. If you don’t connect with someone right away, do you give them more chances to grow on you or do you move to the next person?

  No. I think if the spark isn’t there, we could be friends but not the one for me. I need the fall in love at first sight feeling, I want a man who would come mow my lawn instead of buy me candy or flowers. I need a ride or die man.

  * * *

  E.B.NOTES: I snorted when I read this. It’s hard to fall for someone when you’ve only had eyes for one person. For. Your. Entire. Life! And Darcy thinks his computer knows more about Lottie and what she wants than I do. Foolish man.

  Lottie’s questionnaire was created by April Floyd, author of Darcy and Lizzy.

  2

  William Collins

  Nickname: Bill

  GENERALITIES

  GENDER: Quite manly. Trust me on this

  * * *

  NATIONALITY: Proud American

  (Would you be interested in someone outside your nationality?)

  I'm certainly not racist. We are all equally children of God, and I'll admit I find young ladies of the Orient particularly charming.

  * * *

  OCCUPATION: Spiritual Advisor. Adjunct Professor at local Seminary School

  * * *

  ATTRACTED TO:

  SAME SEX

  OPPOSITE SEX XX (AND HOW!)

  * * *

  FAITH

  Do you belong to any religious organization, sect, or cult? Please list your denomination below.

  DENOMINATION: Lutheran

  1.How often do you go to church, synagogue, or other?

  In fact I am a minister. Visiting the church daily is just an occupational hazard.

  * * *

  2.Would you be willing to date someone outside your faith?

  Date? Most certainly. But I intend to marry as soon as is practical, upon the advice of a wise friend and benefactor. For a marriage to be respectable, I think the couple must hold religious beliefs in common. She would have to consider converting to Lutheranism. Unless she was already Episcopalian, ha ha.

  * * *

  E.B.NOTES: There is so much sarcasm here that I wonder if he was drinking when he completed this form. If ever a man was afraid of marriage it’s William Collins. But not for the typical reasons. His understanding of his self worth is pitiful and therefore, he does not feel as if he’s worthy. But we can change that. By we, I mean Lottie.

  * * *

  MARRIAGE

  1.Are you seeking a life partner?

  Yes Absolutely!!!

  No

  * * *

  2. Do you want a family? How many children?

  I have it from a reliable source that five is the proper number of children, the best for creating a happy, robust home life. Any fewer and the home is too quiet. Any more, and things become unmanageable. But I'm not unreasonable, and if the lady would like one more or one fewer, her wishes shall be taken into consideration.

  P.S.: If you are the sort of woman who considers a dog or a cat her "child," or are the sort who would use the term "furbaby," I do not believe we would be a suitable match.

  * * *

  *E.B.NOTES: Bill cracks me up! The furbaby remark is hysterical. I checked Darcy’s My-computer-knows-more-about-matches-than-you-print out and according to that stupid piece of paper my sister, Kitty, is a better match for Bill than Lottie. Which is hysterical because she’s trying to get into vet school and “loves every one of her furbabies”.

  Bill with a lot of kids would be a good thing. I can see him with five. Lottie? Um, not so much. Not that she’s be awful at it, but five together make a lot of noise and she likes a quiet home.

  * * *

  FAMILY

  1. How would you prefer to spend your holidays?

  (Mountains? Beach? Hotel/amusement parks? Camping/hiking/backpacking? With family?)

  Beach

  2. How do you feel about relatives visiting? (For a day or two? They could live with you?)

  Longer is okay? XX

  * * *

  3.How would you manage family order? (i.e. Who would be in charge of what? Money/finances? Kids? House?)

  Money/finances? Myself

  Kids? My wife

  House?

  Inside? My wife

  Outside? My handyman

  Cars?

  Buying/Selling? Myself

  Maintaining? My handyman

  * * *

  E.B.NOTES: Bill calls a screwdriver a thingamabob. I think its because his dad made him do all sorts of handyman stuff and he’s flat-out refused to learn. Potential area of concern is he’s listed his wife as the manager of the kids.

  * * *

  WHO ARE YOU?

  1.What is a motto or creed that you live by?

  Carpe diem. You'll discover that I'm a relaxed, easygoing person who loves to laugh. You never know what I'll do next, but I guarantee you'll keep watching to find out! But I don't just seize days. I also seize opportunities. I am hard-working, focused, and serious, just the sort of attributes that bring success and happiness in life.

  * * *

  2.What is your ideal rest day?

  I'm definitely a people person. I've made some amazing, wise, influential friends. What could be a better day than hanging out with fun, intelligent people, and being enlightened by their opinions on every topic?

  * * *

  3.What is your most embarrassing moment?

  It may sound strange, but some of my most embarrassing moments are ones where I'm being praised or celebrated. Praise from certain people, those I admire more than anyone in the world, can really get my face burning! A few months back, when someone in particular (I won't say who) heaped praise on one of my sermons, saying it was the finest she'd ever heard from that pulpit, why I practically melted into the floor and caught fire! Try explaining that to your insurance agent. ;-) Just a little joke there.

  * * *

  4.Do you believe that you are a fun person?

  Absolutely. I've worked very hard to become so. I can often be found practicing jokes and compliments in front of a mirror. In fact, if you wish to see my lighter side in action, you can catch my stand-up routine at open mic night at the Laughatorium on 36th Street and 3rd Avenue. Don't ever let anyone tell you that ministers are boring, stodgy people. I'm living proof that we're not.

  * * *

  *E.B.NOTES: I’m not sure what’s fact or fiction here. Bill is funny enough to do open mic, but has he? He tells knock knock jokes all the time. Would his stand up be only knock knock jokes? More importantly, if he does this, does Lottie know? Problem is, if she’s been sworn to secrecy then I have a better chance of making Caroline Bingley my next BFF.

  What I also see in this questionnaire is a lot of misdirection. His most embarrassing moment was being praised by Lady Catherine for a sermon? Nope, I don’t buy it. His childhood is riddled with dark parts, though, perhaps those memories are not as embarrassing as much as they
are painful.

  I wonder what Lottie would say if she saw these responses? I bet she’d cry.

  And Darcy thinks that people clicking on a box or picking the best answer is sufficient enough to match them to a mate for the rest of their life! It’s so…savage.

  Jerk. Not Bill. Darcy.

  * * *

  5. Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten? Twenty?

  Five years: Married with a third child on the way. Racing to keep up with work and family, but knowing the work is paying off.

  Ten years: The youngest is just starting kindergarten. I've been assigned to a more prestigious parish in the heart of NYC. I have a beautiful, doting wife who cooks the most incredible meals. In short, I'm the happiest man alive.